2023 · 23. February 2023
Many people are uncomfortable with having mixed feelings, with ambivalence. This is often seen in relationships. A person might say, “I really like my partner but he does some things which really annoy me. I wish I didn’t have these contradictory feelings, maybe he’s not right for me”.
In reality, it's normal to have mixed feelings, whether about your partner, your family, your work, your friends. My latest column explores why it's important to learn to tolerate ambivalence.
2022 · 16. December 2022
Treating anxiety can be reduced to one simple principle: ‘Anxiety is maintained by avoidance, and willing exposure is the active ingredient of recovery. That is essential; all the rest is commentary.’ My latest Southern Star column explores why tackling anxiety means tackling avoidance.
2022 · 01. December 2022
Tackling anxiety means choosing to do some hard things, such as facing feared situations, so you have to be motivated. To get motivated, ask yourself this: what have you lost to anxiety? My latest column looks at some ideas from anxiety expert Dr Jonathan Grayson on how to undertake this vital exercise.
2022 · 03. November 2022
Do you ever look back on something that once seemed important to you and wonder: wow, why did I think that was such a big deal? My latest Southern Star column explores why "nothing in life is as important as you think it is, when you are thinking about it".
2022 · 03. October 2022
“Just stop worrying”, “think positive”, “don’t think about it” – if you’re a worrier, this isn’t helpful advice. My latest column looks at advice from CBT expert Dr Robert Leahy: learn to worry more effectively.
2022 · 25. August 2022
Many people fear making mistakes and react with shame or embarrassment when they err. However, you cannot learn any new skill without making mistakes. My latest column stresses that instead of trying to avoid mistakes, you must be willing to make them.
2022 · 11. August 2022
Worrying about a problem helps us to solve a problem – doesn’t it?
Well, no. Worrying and problem-solving are very different things. Indeed, research shows worrying actually makes us less likely, not more likely, to solve our problems.
And yet, worry can feel productive. What’s going on? Let's take a closer look.
2022 · 05. May 2022
Articles doling out happiness tips are ten-a-penny and people often gloss over them, so let’s try a different approach – the first of two columns offering suggestions on how to be unhappy.
2022 · 21. April 2022
Worry shows I care, it’s irresponsible not to worry, worry prevents bad things from happening, worry motivates me, worry protects me from negative emotions - do you have positive beliefs about worry? Answering some of the questions in this piece will help you find out.
2022 · 07. April 2022
One reason why worriers worry is because they have positive beliefs about worry, not least the unhelpful and untrue notion that worry is a positive personality trait, that worry shows you care and are a good person. If you really believe this, then you’re never going to kick the worry habit, because not worrying will leave you feeling uneasy and guilty. Let's take a closer look at the difference between worrying and caring.