Good mental health requires that you be both self-compassionate and honest with yourself. The latter point is important because as humans, we are gifted when it comes to codding ourselves. We often rationalise our behaviour and tell ourselves that we’re being “gentle” and “kind” with ourselves when we’re really being avoidant and fearful. My latest column gives some hypothetical examples and explains why it's so important to be honest with ourselves.
Let's say you make a mistake or hear disappointing news. How do you talk to yourself in these situations? For many people, negative and punishing self-talk can become a bad habit. You may not even notice how much you berate yourself. My latest column explores some really good advice from Irish writer Maria Hoey on this important subject.
Many people say self-criticism keeps them on their toes and helps them achieve their goals. However, critical self-talk is linked to multiple mental health problems. Research shows that if you want to motivate yourself to 'do better', self-compassion beats self-criticism. When you see mistakes as human and inevitable, I argued in last week's Southern Star, you are more likely to accept and learn from them.