Posts tagged with "SelfEsteem"
06. February 2025
In my last column, I explored why some people seek criticism to confirm their negative self-views. In this follow-up piece, let’s shift gears and look at how to break free from this cycle and embrace a healthier way of relating to yourself and others.
"I probably messed up, didn’t I?", "You probably think I’m a bad friend, don’t you?", “It’s okay if you think I’m not smart enough, I know I’m not” – my latest column asks: why do some people routinely invite criticism?
Could you miss a gorilla in a room full of people? It sounds impossible, but it happens more often than you might think, as documented in a famous psychological experiment. My latest column explores the gorilla experiment, and how we can be blind to the obvious when our attention is elsewhere.
2024 · 19. September 2024
Different people may have different problems, but they all generally behave in ways that bring about a self-fulfilling prophecy. For example, Daniel sees himself as unlovable. He often cancels plans with friends and isolates himself at home. This behaviour reduces his opportunities for positive interactions, deepening his sense of loneliness and reinforcing his belief that no one truly cares about him. My latest column explores how to break out of this and other vicious cycles.
Articles doling out happiness tips are ten-a-penny and people often gloss over them, so let’s try a different approach – the first of two columns offering suggestions on how to be unhappy.
Thoughts are just thoughts, not facts. Unfortunately, we often over-identify and fuse with our thoughts – and that can be a real problem when the thoughts are negative and punitive. For example, you might react to the thought “I’m useless” as if you are really useless, making you feel sad and hopeless. In this column, I give some tips on how to casually defuse from negative thoughts.
Perfectionism can have seriously damaging emotional consequences and is linked with a whole host of mental health problems. How can you change a perfectionist thinking style?
Perfectionism is sometimes seen as a positive trait, but the reality is the psychological downsides to perfectionism can be very grave indeed. In the first of a three-part series, I explain what underpins perfectionism and why it drives and maintains unhappiness and pain.
"I’m useless", "People are selfish", "People can't be trusted" – my last column described how harmful core beliefs tend to be over-generalised statements about ourselves, others and the world. Negative core beliefs are invariably self-defeating; how can they be changed?
As children, we all develop certain ideas about ourselves, about others, about the world. These core beliefs can profoundly shape our lives – sometimes for the better (if you have positive core beliefs), sometimes for the worse (if you have negative core beliefs). Negative core beliefs are overgeneralised, rigid and prejudiced. They are not true. So why do they feel so true?