It’s a familiar experience. You feel anxious about something, so you put it off. You feel low, so you withdraw. You feel irritated, and your tone sharpens before you’ve quite noticed it.
In the moment, these responses can feel natural, even relieving. Over time, however, they often have the effect of maintaining the very emotion you’re trying to manage.
In dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), a form of cognitive behavioural therapy often used to help people manage intense feelings, emotions are understood to come with what are called action urges. For example, anxiety is linked to avoidance, sadness to withdrawal, anger to confrontation, shame to hiding, and so on. These urges are not random; rather, they are part of how emotions evolved to guide behaviour.
However, there is an important distinction between an emotional response that makes sense and one that is effective. A response can be understandable in the context of a situation, but still not helpful in terms of longer-term outcomes.
For example, if someone feels anxious about speaking in a group, avoiding participation may reduce anxiety in the short term. However, it also prevents the person from learning that they can cope; thus, over time, this avoidance maintains and exacerbates the person’s anxiety.
Similarly, when someone feels low, withdrawing from others may feel appropriate or easier, but it can deepen the sense of isolation over time.
The skill known as opposite action, developed by DBT founder Dr Marsha Linehan, is designed to address this pattern. The basic idea is that when an emotion is not serving you well, you can change its intensity or duration by acting opposite to its associated urge.
This does not mean ignoring or dismissing the emotion. The starting point is recognising that the feeling is understandable. The question then becomes whether acting on it will be effective.
Opposite action is typically used in three situations: when the emotion does not fit the facts of the situation; when it does fit, but has lasted longer than is helpful; or when acting on the emotion would lead to negative consequences.
SEVEN STEPS
DBT experts Alec Miller and Jill Rathus outline seven steps to opposite action. Firstly, identify the emotion. ‘You can’t do an opposite action if you don’t know how you feel!’, they note, so step back and try to be as specific as possible.
Secondly, check the facts. Check what you’re reacting to and ask whether the emotion fits the situation. If you are afraid, is there real danger? If you are sad, has there been an actual loss? Whatever the emotion, consider whether the situation justifies the intensity of the feeling.
Thirdly, identify the action urge – what do you feel like doing? And what actions will be effective here?
Fourth, ask yourself: do you really want to reduce this emotion? There’s no point in doing an opposite action if you don’t want to feel differently, say Miller and Rathus.
Fifth: if you do want to feel differently, ask yourself: what would be the opposite action to this urge?
Sixth, do the opposite action fully. Partial or hesitant attempts often have limited impact. For example, if anxiety leads to a tendency to withdraw physically, an opposite action might involve maintaining eye contact, speaking clearly, and adopting a more open posture. These behavioural shifts can influence the underlying emotional state.
Finally, practice, practice, practice. To quote Miller and Rathus: ‘Repeat acting in the opposite way until the emotion goes down enough for you to notice’.
Opposite action is not about emotional suppression. Suppression may reduce distress in the short term, but it is generally not effective over time. Instead, the approach involves acknowledging the emotion (“this makes sense”) while also choosing a different behavioural response.
In many cases, the change in emotion does not happen immediately. This can make the skill feel counter-intuitive. We often expect that we need to feel different before we act differently. Opposite action works in the other direction: by changing behaviour first, the emotional response may begin to shift.
The changes involved are often quite small. Responding to a message rather than avoiding it. Leaving the house for a short period. Speaking briefly in a situation where you would normally remain silent. Over time, these small changes can reduce the intensity and persistence of difficult emotions.
Emotions are not directly under our control. However, our responses to them are, to some extent, modifiable. Opposite action offers a structured way of working with this, particularly when emotions are not producing the outcomes we want.
In that sense, it is less about eliminating difficult feelings, and more about reducing their influence when they are no longer helpful.
(First published in Southern Star on 2/7/2026)